2013

Bonjour

I actually wanted to delete my older posts. The past few months have been really challenging no scratch that the past 2 years have been hard. I had to go through a lot of hell but I guess everything is just a blessing in disguise. 

I have learnt to actually accept and love myself for who I really am. I mean come on how can I be so ungrateful im surrounded with so many beautiful and kind hearted people. Some days it gets hard but its important to put yourself first. The naive me thought I have to attend to everyone's needs but you know you just cant do it if you dont feel happy. You cant make someone else happy if you're not happy,true?

I pushed myself so hard,forcing myself to do things that were beyond my capabilities. Not because I was greedy but because I know I can do so much more. Its important to always push yourself but its also important to know your limits. I have so many dreams that I wish to fulfill. InsyaAllah. 2013 will be a year filled with blessings and dreams come true. I am so excited to start studying again. I am so excited for my marathons. I am so excited for the musicals. I am so excited to a brand new year.

I cant say that I hate 2012. It was a tough year but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger right? 

Im grateful.

Solution

Sometimes its normal to encounter sadness inside you.

For the past few months I have been feeling like there is a big dark hole on my heart. In another word I feel useless and helpless. That explains to you why I write so many sad things on my blog. But oh well,life goes on right? I know that no one except for Allah can heal me but im positive that this is just one of the trials that He is giving to me. So fear not,if Allah is by your side you are never lost. So lets make doa for our brothers and sisters. You know its easy to turn to music or to find a partner but I have learnt that none of those worked for me. Well it does but its just temporary.

Its like putting a plaster on your broken heart its temporary 'happiness' but the pain doesnt go away.

The solution?

Turn to Allah,talk to Him. He listens and He is the most Merciful. InsyaAllah we would become happier muslims! :)

Naive or desperate?

Hi hey hello

Okay so today im going to talk about an incident that happened and still is happening right now. Okay I know im in the middle of my exam but I just feel the need to blog about this. Back to the topic,I do not understand how in the world did most of my friends fell for him. Obviously we know that he does not care. Im talking about this particular friend after watching her and listening to her stories. I feel really sorry for her. Not just her actually them. Yes them. They all fell for the same guy and they are all miserable because of him. I just get annoyed really when all they talk about is him. Seriously!? I seriously feel like slapping all of them and I feel like shooting him for making all my friends feel this way. Its not cool when all your friends are talking about this particular boy all the time. Im not just talking about my bestfriends but all!! Ugh love is supposed to give you inspiration. This jerk does not even care about you. Heck he is still figuring himself out. If you my friend are looking for someone to fill the emptiness inside you. That is NOT love. I repeat that is not! It means that you have a low self esteem and you need to figure yourself out and you need to love yourself first. When you dont love yourself thats when you 'terhegeh hegeh' want other people to love you. Think about it if you dont love yourself why would other people love you? Am I right? Okay back to this guy,the worst thing is he is my friend. Ohmygoodness,if I could atleast slap him I would. But no,since there really is nothing that I could hence im writing about it here. Advice pun dah everything else pun dah. You dont want to listen to it and want your life to be miserable then go ahead. Usually I would just ignore these petty things but  I mean come on when everyone(my friends atleast) is talking about a guy every single day atleast for about 1 minute wont YOU get annoyed? I am!

Why do we do that?

Everyone is facing their own struggles. My struggle? To wear a hijab. I was informed that you must first 'hijab' your heart before anything else. I'm learning everyday and I pray to Allah that one day he might just give me the strenght. Its not easy my friends,especially when you have these thoughts inside that are pulling you down. You feel your heart is trying to tell you to do the good things but in your mind ya Allah you just cant stop thinking about 'the people'

What would the people think of me

What would my friends say

Would I get accepted

How do I explain to them

Its funny how we only think about what 'the people' think of us and not the One who created us. Its time that we change our thinking. Why do we do all the things that we do? I think its really important to know the purpose of everything that you do. For example,what is the purpose of your life? Why do you live? Is it just to please others? Is it just to get married and settle down with 7 children? Do you want to be a famous singer and then inspire others? Ask yourself. And then what? What is after that? Whats after getting married? What is after having a successful career? What is after getting known by others? 

They say when you don't ask you don't learn. 

Start asking. Don't be shy. There is no such thing as stupid questions just stupid answers

Wise words

In life you can always retake your exam. When you fail a paper you can always sit for another paper next semester but you cannot retake your exam of the akhirat. 

Sweet memories!

So here's an introduction of my journey as a Sri Amanian

Looking back I never thought I would be the person I am today. I,Amiza binti Ahmad Murad has had my fair and share in Sri Aman and I will forever be thankful for all the opportunities given to me. 

It was hard adjusting to a new environment and I hated school.

I dragged myself to school everyday but by Allah the hatred grew into love.

There are so many wonderful and kind people in the school,from the canteen workers to teachers! My teachers never gave up on me in fact they never surrendered to our naughty behaviour.

I remembered going to the KH room to iron our clothes because we had a food fight in the rain.

If you didnt know thats why our school imposed the rule that you cant bring cupcakes to school.

Oops.

In 2010,we shocked the school for getting the best PMR results. 

Ofcourse I was just honoured to be apart of it. 

Alhamdulillah! There are so many great memories that I had in Sri Aman. 

If you are a junior reading this. Or maybe you are still in highschool I would suggest to you that you join as many activities as you can in school. 

Highschool is the time for you to discover yourself. Personally,being a Sri Aman student has taught me to the importance of teamwork,loving your friends unconditionally,and to be a leader! 

I could go on with this but this girl's gotta study. Goodbye. Au revoir! 

Self thought

It surprises me to know how selfish a person can be. Maybe because most of my friends are girls this is actually my first time meeting a very selfish,rude and arrogant boy friend.
Seriously.
What happened to being humble?

Where are your manners?
I have come to realize that some of these boys have zero respect towards women.
Zero. Shame on you.

Bismillah

If I fail I will try again and again and again

My journey doesnt end here. 5 days left

SPM,stress,strength

I dont want to go through this again. I wonder how did my iman got so low. I cant even bear going through one night without crying.

Thinking of how my family really expects me to score,alhamdulillah they have such confidence in me. But me? Honestly I am nowhere near ready to enter the hall but im trying insyaAllah. I dont want to fail anyone. I dont want to fail myself. I keep on thinking of the what ifs.

 I guess im just only good at advising other people but im bad at taking my own advice. I blame no one but myself. I had put myself in an unnecessary stress and obviously it affected me and my studies.

Ya Allah please help your slave go through this. I dont understand myself anymore. I know that no one can help you but yourself. I just need someone to tell me yes you can do it Miza. I just need some faith in myself. What have I done?
What would my parents think of me?
What would my younger sisters think of me?

I spend so much time trying to please others that I sometimes forget to please Him. I just feel broken and shattered inside. No one knows just because im smiling all the time.

Yes I smile yes I seem to look happy.
You ask why im never sad but I ask you why do I have to tell others and show it to them. Wouldnt it ruin their mood too?

Now im here blogging about it while tears streaming down my face. Can I do it again? Can I repay my parents' sacrifices? I want to make them proud thats all im asking for. I felt and still feel lonely.

Im only a human.
Amiza oh Amiza.

Finding Him

When your opinion is not accepted by the society. When you feel like you have a valid reason or a good opinion. Speak out for yourself. To be honest,since I was young I have always had the problem with letting out my own opinion. Yes im loud and I talk a lot but there are so many things that I want to share but are scared to do so just because I was afraid that it would not be accepted. We live in a society   that is really influenced by the media. For example when the media says oh being stick thin is the in thing. People,young girls especially strive to get the perfect body. Even when they know that it is unattainable. Back in the days when I was in primary school when you have a lot of friends on friendster is that how you spell it? or myspace then you are considered cool. When friends put you as their top 8 and even better top 1 you would feel valuable but the truth is what is it that we are really searching for? Is it popularity,status,money,fame or simply just happiness? What is it that we strive for in this world? I was once a victim in this situation. Maybe because I was trying to discover my own beliefs. After a few years of trying to fit in with the cool kids or whatever. I stopped. One day I broke down. Since that day I became closer to God and alhamdulillah that has made me realize. I live in this world to feel loved yes. Think about what you and I seek. What are we running after and willing to give anything just to hear?

“I’m taking care of you.”

“It’s going to be okay.”

“I love you. Always. That will never diminish or change.”

“You can hold on to me.”

“I will never let you down.”

“I will never hurt you.”

“I will never leave you.”

“I will always be there for you.”

“I appreciate you.”

“I see you.”

“I understand you.”

“I know who you are.”

“I’m close to you.”

“I will forgive you.”

“You don’t have to be perfect.”

“I will never abandon you.”

“I will never betray you.”

“I got your back.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“I’m listening. I’m really listening.”

“I’ll never let them hurt you.”

“I’ll always protect you.”

“I’ll never leave you.”

“You are never alone.”

“I will never leave you alone.”

“When everything around you is falling apart, I’ll hold you up.”

“I truly only want what’s best for you.”

“Even when you’re messing up, I will still forgive you.”

“Even when you’re unable to give, I will always give you.”

“Even when you’re fighting me, I’ll still be kind. I still won’t abandon you.”

“No matter what you do, I can always forgive you.”

“I love you despite your weaknesses and your faults.”

“I will give you peace.”

“I will make you happy.”

“I will give you stability.”

“I will give you strength and power.”

“I will cure you.”

“I will give you status and respect.”

“I will always comfort you.”

“No matter how tiny the gesture is, if you do it for me, I’ll appreciate and reward you for it.”

“If you turn to me, I’ll be there for you, no matter what.”

“No matter what you’ve done to me, I can always forgive you.”

 The truth is when we thought that we are looking for a good husband or a good boyfriend,fame or money. We are just looking for God. No wonder we fill empty when those things dont seem to fill our hearts,needs and emptiness but the emptiness was created for us to find Him. Think about it again.

To be continued.

Until then,

have a nice day! 

Because you're worth it

Hi guys!
Okay so for the past few months I have been dealing with self doubts. I was unhappy with my body,how I look just everything! I used to like a guy I thought he liked me but I found out he's just a really sweet guy seeking out for attention. In other word he's a player. So anyway. I had the BIGGEST breakdown ever! Some days I didnt want to eat. Other days I eat too much. It really depends on my mood. One day I thought "Okay I need to settle this,it has been bugging me for months and I cant live like this anymore" So yeah I talked to my family and friends about it. And I prayed a lot too! So I found out that my main problem was that I didnt have self respect towards myself. Okay so my main objective today is to help YOU gain self respect for yourself. So im giving out tips that has helped me.

1)You are the CEO of your own life
You need to always keep that in mind.YOU need to take charge of your own life. If you dont like something about yourself or the situation you are in. You need to get yourself out of it. This may sound scary to you but you will lose a lot of friends but its okay. When you get rid of the negative people in your life. Automatically the positive ones will appear in your life. Thats just how the universe works. Okay? :)

2)Exercise and eat healthy
I cannot stress more about this. You see I was afraid of people calling me health freak or whatever. Just because I dont eat the food that they eat it doesnt mean anything. If your friends say mean things about it. Guess what? You are doing it for YOURSELF. In the end you are in control of your own life. Eating healthy will make you feel good about yourself. From what I observed beautiful girls even models for example,Miranda Kerr. She reallyyy takes care of her diet. So if you want to be having great skin and body like hers. You need to change your lifestyle. Pronto.

3)Happiness is a choice!
You probably have heard this before. Dont rely on someone for your own happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. And here's a tip never date a guy who dates you for your body. Trust me you will end up getting hurt. So thats all for now. But I promise you ill be back for more!

Stay tuned
Have a beautiful day. :)

I still remember this moment

Presenting

 Divas of Dstarz 2012

 We worked hard we played harder. I say find your passion,set goals for yourself and work hard.

We were playing dead. Did it work?

 Oh yes,meet Ng Lay Mun. She was the one who inspired me to work hard and to never give up. We were base partners for two years. Oh and the girl in blue is Ruheesha! 

 Stunt group 2012. We motivate each other. Sure we had our ups and downs but I think thats what made us closer. I could literally just say and do anything infront of them.

Always aim for the moon,even if you miss,you'll land among the stars

Lastly I am just honoured to be part of the team. Being in the team taught me teamwork,discipline,leadership and how to train and act like a champion. So thank you for the memories,guys.

Sunday morning

Getting my priorities right. 

No matter what it takes.

What I have learned so far

10 things I've learnt this year

1)You will fail along your journey to victory

Elite athletes/winners hate losing in fact they go all out to win but they are not afraid to fail. 

2)You have to stand up for what you believe in

Sometimes your friends will tell you the image you're trying to potray is old fashioned. You will not be accepted in the community. As long as what you believe in has good moral values,things that can make the world a better place. Fight for it.

3)Listen to your heart

Have you ever done something bad that would make you feel so guilty after doing it? For example maybe lying to your parents? Well that is your heart telling you that what you are doing is not a good thing to do. Learn to listen to it.

4)Pray

Yes pray. You may think that you dont need it but sometimes when you are struggling with something,when you think that there is no one around that can help you. Sometimes maybe even your parents are not around! Never lose faith,know that He is always with us. He listens to our problems. 

5)Losing is not a bad thing

People often only look at the grand champion. It makes the other competitors,first runner ups/second feel less important. You have to find the good in the bad. Losing is a wonderful thing. It teaches us many things that winning cant. If you dont learn anything from losing,you're not improving yourself. Think about it,a gymnast may lose in his first Olympic competition but he went home work on the areas he needed to work on and became the all around champion on his second Olympic competition. Losing teaches us how to be a better competitor. 

More to come! 

Stand up for what you believe in. Or remain as a coward. 

Finding my inner strength

Im still the same girl thats very curious about life.

Growing up my parents never forced me to do anything. Like my friends,I wasnt enrolled to any classes. My mother was always out of town and my dad he stayed at another place. So I was always with my brother and my maid at home. I have always been active since kindergarten till now in high school. When I was young I would always run around the house,climbed the pole (yes I was really hyper) my maids had trouble keeping up with my energy. One day when I was running around at the park my neighbour saw me and said to my maid. This girl has too much energy. Ofcourse I was 6 afterall. Growing up i've always wanted to try sports so I joined running when I could in standard 4. I was a sprinter back then and I loved the feeling when I was leading and leaving everyone behind me. I felt like I was running from something that was trying to catch me. So I won medals from my running events during my primary school years.

In secondary school,I was lucky enough to be studying in Sri Aman. It was my dream school. It was a legacy for my family to go there. The girls I mean. In my first year in Sri Aman,I wanted a new identity. So I made friends with some people and I felt like I had to grow up fast. I went out a lot. I was having culture shock. Everything was so different. I met a lot of different kind of people. I mixed with the wrong crowd. I felt like I have something to give. I wanted to be different. I was finding my true self. I got into a lot of trouble but I think everything happens for a reason. And then 2010 came,it was a big year for me. I had to face my PMR year. I slacked off a lot within the first two years of my high school year. So I knew if I wanted the 8A's I had to study hard. I was still trying to find myself. I couldnt concentrate I struggled. So one day in Ramadhan,my mom bought me a book about a girl named Nik Madihah. She came from a poor family and managed to score 20A's for her SPM. It was the way she handled things that caught my attention. I learnt that if I had doubts and uneasy things in my mind. I could always talk to God. So I worked hard for the exam and scored my 8A's. Alhamdulillah. Syukur kepada Allah. So then I wanted to be active in school again. I joined cheerleading. At first my mom didnt want to let me join,I was convinced that she wasnt so sure that I could balance school and cheerleading. As you  know cheerleading is such a demanding sport. I fell in love with the sport just like that. I wanted to train hard because I wanted to be the best in the world. My team came in 8th place the first year I joined and 3rd this year. It would be a lie if I said I wasnt dissapointed. My goal was always the champion cup but I knew the other girls worked just as hard and our team had a few mistakes. This year,2012 I will be taking SPM. Probably the biggest examination that I have to take yet.  Again I slacked off last year. Maybe I was giving cheer a little too much attention because I wanted to win. I realized now that Education comes first. Cheerleading is second. Im preparing for my exam now. And I hope that I can make my parents proud. Im still finding who I really am. Im still finding the balance in life. I know that Allah will always be on my side guiding my decisions. InsyaAllah I will do my best and I really want to help my family. Now I am ready. My goal now is to get 9A's for my spm and I pray that I could become a better person overall. InsyaAllah.