To the girl who will one day date the man I loved

To the girl who will one day date the man I loved

Dear girlfriend,

Forgive me for loathing you at first. For I am just a human. I don't know who you are but I hope that you and him will get the happiness that both of you deserve. Know that he has his moments, but know that he is content just knowing that you are there for him. I am still letting the relationship go, I hope I could, by the time you read this or by the time you meet him. For he was the first man I have learnt to love and the first man I have learnt to let go. His parents are great and they are kind. His mom will definitely love you, just as how she loves her own daughter. His father is funny and his brother is intelligent. Rest assured that you will never run out of things to debate with them. In a good way of course. I like to believe that I could make him happy and he could do the same for me but circumstances were not in our favour. Or maybe rather, he was just not the one for me, but I never denied the fact that for a moment I did love him and now it’s your turn, to make him happy and laugh. He loves outdoor activities and I hope you do too, just so you can accompany him. He loves music and so I hope you both can sing along to Beatles songs in the car together. He has a different goal than most people but I hope you will support him no matter what. He loves travelling and I hope you do too just so could accompany him.  But maybe, maybe you will have a different adventure with him. Who knows? Who am I to voice out my hopes of your relationship. Therefore, I shall stop.

Oh don’t worry about your parents not liking him, because my mom loved him instantly when she first met him. Maybe I will never meet you in real life. Don't worry, even if one day we meet, I would still treat you with respect. I don't have a lot to say but I do wish you and him the best. If one day we meet, I hope that I could genuinely be happy for you, whoever you are.

And to the man I will one day love, 

Allow me to learn to love you better. 

Confession/concept of being grateful and redha

Some days, I feel unhappy and some days, I feel on top of the world. I have to admit, sometimes no matter how much you try to be grateful you will always feel that some other person has better things than you do. No matter how capable your parents are, does not matter that they have provided for your food and education, you will always have friends with parents that can give more. Some one else will always have more, be it, beauty, intelligence or even money. Sometimes, yes I am guilty of thinking that hey, she has this and that, wow, his/her life must be really easy.

 I mean how can you not think of that when all you see on instagram is that they have the capacity to travel all around the world with their family while you have to work from 5am-3pm to save up for the next semester for your university life. You may even play victim in your life and this is sooo dangerous.

I avoid feeling like this, and I always tell myself that Allah gives everyone struggles, maybe that person is capable of buying 10 houses, but do you know her/his struggle with work or family or even their love life? You don't. Everyone has personal struggles, you just dont see it. At the end of the day, you only will see the surface of their life. Well, the ones they choose to inform you via pictures or tweet. Instead of feeling victimized by your situation, there’s another solution. Be grateful for everything, that includes your mishaps, and everything good in life.

That is another concept of seeing gratitude, yes? I came across this, once.

“Why should I be grateful for my results? If I do that, I wouldn't have to work hard anymore, because you know I would just be complacent with what I have”

Try seeing it this way.

“I am grateful for having this bad feeling of not getting into dean’s list, because I know that I have to work harder in the next semester”

There you see, there is a concept of redha and wanting to be better.

So I guess that's all. Goodbye and Salam Aidilfitri everyone. 

Midnight thoughts

How do you know when things are going the way it should be?

I stopped asking myself that 2 years ago. I was sick of trying to be perfect because I have learned the hard way that there is no such thing as perfection. Humans, we make mistakes, then we learn and we grow. I learn to practice gratitude everyday. But somehow or rather, I still am scared. I am scared of what the future holds. Although I make plans, god knows what will happen in the future. Where would I be 5 years from now? Should I take the chances presented in front of me? Even though I have to leave my family and friends behind? Some people just take the chance for they think that if they dont, they would never be able to forgive themselves. But what stops me? Fear? Fear of what?

Also when I try to be myself and then I listen to other people talking about me. I stopped being myself. I stopped being 'super happy' as they would say. But for what? I dont get to live forever. So why does what others think matter now? Sometimes I suppress the things I want to say, because hey it might be too sensitive for others. Now I think that I should stop doing that to myself and if you my friend is having difficulty trying to please and fit in this thing we call society. Stop.

Attitude

Rule number one in life: Everything is your fault. Yes, that includes the cat that 'ate' your homework. The sooner you take responsibility for the downfalls in your life. The easier your life would be. The easier it is for you to take ownership for the successes that happened in your life. Dont get me wrong, my definition of everything includes both,the mishaps and also the rainbows or sunshines that had happened in your life. Easier said than done. 

The easiest example I can give to you, if you have the attitude that screams 'my parents are not working hard enough to buy me this and that'. When you start taking responsibility, your attitude will change from 'my parents owe me this' to 'it's my fault, i am asking too much and giving too little. I should work/ study harder. Perhaps I could work around to earn the money I need for the vacation I planned with X and Z'

You see in life, no one owes you anything.

Second scenario, might be 'my boyfriend is so boring, he never takes me out for cool dates anymore', when you start taking responsibility for your life. Your attitude will change into 'hey maybe it's my fault too, I never contribute anything. Maybe he's out of ideas and maybe he wants something in return. Relationship is about give and take right? I should start making plans to make our dates more fun and exciting'

You see, your partner does not owe you anything. If you want a happy and fulfilling relationship, then make an initiative to change your current relationship.

You may not realize that you have been doing this 'pointing finger' game. The moment you begin taking ownership for your life. The easier it is. Why? Because you no longer depend on anyone. You dont have to wait for X and Z to change so your life would be more colorful. The cold hard truth is that, whatever happens in your life, is your own responsibility. No one should be blamed, for the bad grades you earned except for you. But the silver lining in this is that, it shows how powerful you are as a human being. You can change your life. That begins once you change your attitude towards the world.

Detachment

Hi guys!

So guess who's back? Throws confetti to myself. Yay. Im back and enjoying every second of the semester break.

Aside from that, everything has been great. And slowly getting better. InshaAllah. Anyway, I had recently bought a book called 'Reclaim your heart' written by Yasmin Mogahed

This book talks about detachment. Detachment from the dunya and that your love for Allah SWT should be bigger than any creature or material things in this dunya. There are certain things, that I don't agree with the author, but I cant seem to recall what it is. Well, but the point is, that, this is a really good book, especially if you're recovering from a heart break or if you have lost someone and you're trying to mend that beautiful heart of yours. winks*

I needed this book. In all honesty, I had a hard time, knowing that Akid aka bestfriend/ boyfriend is going abroad for 5 years. 5 GOOD YEARS. But honestly, I think after loads of reflection. I am starting to accept it. God knows, why we didnt meet earlier?! But, im so glad that we did cross our path after all. Nope, I was not the girl who cries every night thinking that i'd be 'single' for 5 years. Ha! Now, puts on shades* where are my girl friends? Just kidding.

I realized that us humans, when we give our hearts to one person or when we love something so much, we forget. That actually, the one that we should love the MOST is Allah SWT. Reminding myself of this concept, made me accept and somehow I was at peace with myself because when you love the Creator the most, there's nothing that you can't do and like the author says you will never experience heart break. Well you will, but you wouldnt feel the loss too much because you know, whoever and whatever goods that come your way are gifts that came from the Creator and you also learn to be grateful.

All in all, I recommend this book to everyone. Regardless, if you're naturally a happy person or if you're in a state of hardship.

Until then,
Goodnight everyone.

2014

Disclaimer: This is just another post of me ranting about 2014. Feel free to read.

In just a few days we’ll be entering 2015. Can you believe that? A whole new year to reinvent yourself. Some people make it a point to commit them selves to what we call “new year’s resolutions”. But before anything, allow me to rant about 2014, so far 2014 has given me valuable lessons, and I would not want to change it for anything.

Great things that happened.

1) Managed to get into the DL for foundation in second semester

2) Passed the law degree interview and managed to get myself into UiTM for a law degree

3) Ran a few marathons (colour run, women’s marathon)

**maybe that doesn't count, but still

4) Was given the chance to work on a project called Ladies4Tech with amazing people, in YLA, namely from Endaveour, Google Malaysia, McKinsey and from other universities around Malaysia. I was also given the chance to improve my entrepreneurship skills, not something im good at, but I guess it’s okay cause I am still learning. Syukur.

5) Celebrated a year anniversary with the one and only, you know who you are

But whats more important are the lessons i’ve learnt this year

Lessons in 2014

1.     I learn to aim high thanks to my bestfriends and boyfriend, regardless of what other people tell you

2.     I learn to stand up for myself in a relationship, I guess before this, I have never gotten the chance to actually learn these things because I was never in one. Nonetheless, I learn that it is okay to say no.

3.     I learn that I only need a couple of friends to keep in my life

4.     I learn that in moot, you always have to prove yourself.

5.     I learn to keep listening to my intuition

No doubt, this year has been challenging but, in a way, it helps me to keep an open mind to everything.

Hopefully, 2015 will bring just as much opportunities and blessings. For now, finals is priority. Wish me luck! Goodnight. 

Choose your battles dude

Hello, today im going to talk about the phrase "Choose your battles wisely". Well the first time I heard about this phrase was long time ago back when I was still in school but I didnt give much thought about it.

As I attended a youth leadership workshop conducted by McKinsey two weeks ago, a Secretary General from the MITI, gave a leadership talk, she was talking about TPPA, and she had a lot of criticisms or feedback from the public and it was the secrecy that was one of the things people condemned when they talk about TPPA but then she said one thing, "secrecy is needed when you plan a project, or agreement"

So she chose, to ignore it and she said 'In life, you have to choose your battles, and I choose not to pay attention to these people'. I was thinking why choose your battles? Why dont fight for all?

And I remembered she said that there are many things in life that we cant control. So it knocked some sense into my head. I remembered the time when I wanted to lose weight, but didnt want to lose my boobs. Well funny to some of you but it mattered a lot to me, since I was already looking like a child, I didnt want to lose what I call "asset" to most girls. Now I choose to ignore it, because what really matters is my health because to me health comes first, good health to me brings happiness. As I started losing weight, my mom called me "boney", it mattered a lot to me back then but now it doesnt matter anymore because to me still I would rather feel good on the inside rather than the outside.

What is the point really listening to others' feedback if it's not aligned to your own values? Often, I find myself succumb into this whole pleasing other people phenomena but I can't, I try to be nice to everyone around me but I cant control what they might think of me. I get it, not everyone is going to like you for whatever reason they may have, but you have a choice to ignore it because as long as you stay true to what makes you happy then in the end, that's all that matters. Not to forget, it saves you from heartaches.

This phrase helped me a lot and I am grateful for everything that I have learned so far in my 19 years of living. I admit, there are some days when I just feel depressed, but then I remember i have friends and family, there will always be people out there willing to help you. Coming from this amazing and respectable lady Datuk Dr Rebecca, the phrase really touched my heart.

I hope it gives you something to think about too. So what do you think about the phrase? Let me know in the comment box below!


Until then,
Congratulations Germany and all you Germany fans out there