Freedom

If only I had accepted my friend’s invitation to go for a bowling session. As I walked into the living room, sudden flashes of thoughts started to play in my head. I could not think as I was overwhelmed by my own thoughts. I was drained by my own emotions. I was tired physically and all I wanted to do was to lay on my bed, no distractions, only me.

Suddenly, my phone started ringing. It was him, again. “What do you want?” I know I sounded defensive but I could not help myself, I was hurt and I was miserable. Nothing could ever heal this scar on my heart.

“Anna, I love you” He said.

“Oh Shut up, Jack! If you have loved me you would not cheat on me with that girl. If you have loved me you would not put me in the state of embarrassment, you would not have let me drove back home alone when I really needed you Jack. You would not have gone out with the girl to the club till late night Jack. What is love Jack? Do you even know what it means? Do you even know what it is? Im sorry Jack. I cant.” I felt as if my heart got ripped apart.

 No I will not let this happen to me. I took a quick shower and decided I need to change my life and I need to change my thinking. I cannot bear letting someone walk over my head. What is it that she has that  I don’t? Nothing, ofcourse. He just didn’t see it but I do.

I took my car keys and drove off to the garden, Daddy and I used to go when I was a child. Lillies, daisies, roses, sunflowers, the scent and the warmth of the sun. I needed this escape, I needed to remind myself that I am worthy of a person and that I don’t need anyone to complete me.

Perhaps, I was really being too dependent on him for my happiness and I realized that, it was not going to happen. For all this while, I had been feeling nothing but lonely. I never knew it would take me to this, to finally realize it. That perhaps, my family and friends are enough. Perhaps even the strangers around me are enough to make me feel happy and to put a smile on my face.

To redeem myself back, I went to the nearest coffee shop, to get my favourite latte before I head back home. I decided to get my favourite vanilla latte, I thought why not? It is not as if I have anyone around to call me fat when honestly I only weigh 46kg, the thought of it just made me angry. How did I even let anyone dictate how I look. As I drove back home, I saw a little child with her caretaker walking on the street and I sense that the little child was freezing cold. I stopped my vehicle to offer them a ride and offered the child my drink.
“Whats your name little child?” I asked the little girl. She just kept quiet, perhaps she is just shy. “Her name is Anna and we were supposed to get back home an hour ago but she insisted to go the playground to meet her new friend” Her caretaker answered. Still, at this point of conversation, I noticed that little Anna had not said a word or made any sound. “So where shall I send both of you?” I asked the caretaker. “Oh just infront there. Thank you so much Miss and if you didn’t know, little Anna has hearing and talking disabilities.”

Of course that explains her strange gestures and behavior. I continued my drive back home and that night, I started to think of how blessed I am, to be where I am at now. After thinking about little Anna, I feel blessed that I can hear and talk. After going to the garden, I feel blessed that I could smell the sweet scent of the flowers and feel the grass beneath my feet.

I had never felt so free and happy in my life. Its true when they say that if you fall down, you must get back up and every cloud has its own silver lining. I would not have known these, if Jack didn’t cheat on me, so thank you Jack because you made me realize my worth. When the time comes for me to call it a day, I smiled because in just one day I realized of how powerful I am to be able to change a frown into a smile. This is what I call, freedom. 

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