2014

Disclaimer: This is just another post of me ranting about 2014. Feel free to read.

In just a few days we’ll be entering 2015. Can you believe that? A whole new year to reinvent yourself. Some people make it a point to commit them selves to what we call “new year’s resolutions”. But before anything, allow me to rant about 2014, so far 2014 has given me valuable lessons, and I would not want to change it for anything.

Great things that happened.

1) Managed to get into the DL for foundation in second semester

2) Passed the law degree interview and managed to get myself into UiTM for a law degree

3) Ran a few marathons (colour run, women’s marathon)

**maybe that doesn't count, but still

4) Was given the chance to work on a project called Ladies4Tech with amazing people, in YLA, namely from Endaveour, Google Malaysia, McKinsey and from other universities around Malaysia. I was also given the chance to improve my entrepreneurship skills, not something im good at, but I guess it’s okay cause I am still learning. Syukur.

5) Celebrated a year anniversary with the one and only, you know who you are

But whats more important are the lessons i’ve learnt this year

Lessons in 2014

1.     I learn to aim high thanks to my bestfriends and boyfriend, regardless of what other people tell you

2.     I learn to stand up for myself in a relationship, I guess before this, I have never gotten the chance to actually learn these things because I was never in one. Nonetheless, I learn that it is okay to say no.

3.     I learn that I only need a couple of friends to keep in my life

4.     I learn that in moot, you always have to prove yourself.

5.     I learn to keep listening to my intuition

No doubt, this year has been challenging but, in a way, it helps me to keep an open mind to everything.

Hopefully, 2015 will bring just as much opportunities and blessings. For now, finals is priority. Wish me luck! Goodnight. 

Choose your battles dude

Hello, today im going to talk about the phrase "Choose your battles wisely". Well the first time I heard about this phrase was long time ago back when I was still in school but I didnt give much thought about it.

As I attended a youth leadership workshop conducted by McKinsey two weeks ago, a Secretary General from the MITI, gave a leadership talk, she was talking about TPPA, and she had a lot of criticisms or feedback from the public and it was the secrecy that was one of the things people condemned when they talk about TPPA but then she said one thing, "secrecy is needed when you plan a project, or agreement"

So she chose, to ignore it and she said 'In life, you have to choose your battles, and I choose not to pay attention to these people'. I was thinking why choose your battles? Why dont fight for all?

And I remembered she said that there are many things in life that we cant control. So it knocked some sense into my head. I remembered the time when I wanted to lose weight, but didnt want to lose my boobs. Well funny to some of you but it mattered a lot to me, since I was already looking like a child, I didnt want to lose what I call "asset" to most girls. Now I choose to ignore it, because what really matters is my health because to me health comes first, good health to me brings happiness. As I started losing weight, my mom called me "boney", it mattered a lot to me back then but now it doesnt matter anymore because to me still I would rather feel good on the inside rather than the outside.

What is the point really listening to others' feedback if it's not aligned to your own values? Often, I find myself succumb into this whole pleasing other people phenomena but I can't, I try to be nice to everyone around me but I cant control what they might think of me. I get it, not everyone is going to like you for whatever reason they may have, but you have a choice to ignore it because as long as you stay true to what makes you happy then in the end, that's all that matters. Not to forget, it saves you from heartaches.

This phrase helped me a lot and I am grateful for everything that I have learned so far in my 19 years of living. I admit, there are some days when I just feel depressed, but then I remember i have friends and family, there will always be people out there willing to help you. Coming from this amazing and respectable lady Datuk Dr Rebecca, the phrase really touched my heart.

I hope it gives you something to think about too. So what do you think about the phrase? Let me know in the comment box below!


Until then,
Congratulations Germany and all you Germany fans out there

Freedom

If only I had accepted my friend’s invitation to go for a bowling session. As I walked into the living room, sudden flashes of thoughts started to play in my head. I could not think as I was overwhelmed by my own thoughts. I was drained by my own emotions. I was tired physically and all I wanted to do was to lay on my bed, no distractions, only me.

Suddenly, my phone started ringing. It was him, again. “What do you want?” I know I sounded defensive but I could not help myself, I was hurt and I was miserable. Nothing could ever heal this scar on my heart.

“Anna, I love you” He said.

“Oh Shut up, Jack! If you have loved me you would not cheat on me with that girl. If you have loved me you would not put me in the state of embarrassment, you would not have let me drove back home alone when I really needed you Jack. You would not have gone out with the girl to the club till late night Jack. What is love Jack? Do you even know what it means? Do you even know what it is? Im sorry Jack. I cant.” I felt as if my heart got ripped apart.

 No I will not let this happen to me. I took a quick shower and decided I need to change my life and I need to change my thinking. I cannot bear letting someone walk over my head. What is it that she has that  I don’t? Nothing, ofcourse. He just didn’t see it but I do.

I took my car keys and drove off to the garden, Daddy and I used to go when I was a child. Lillies, daisies, roses, sunflowers, the scent and the warmth of the sun. I needed this escape, I needed to remind myself that I am worthy of a person and that I don’t need anyone to complete me.

Perhaps, I was really being too dependent on him for my happiness and I realized that, it was not going to happen. For all this while, I had been feeling nothing but lonely. I never knew it would take me to this, to finally realize it. That perhaps, my family and friends are enough. Perhaps even the strangers around me are enough to make me feel happy and to put a smile on my face.

To redeem myself back, I went to the nearest coffee shop, to get my favourite latte before I head back home. I decided to get my favourite vanilla latte, I thought why not? It is not as if I have anyone around to call me fat when honestly I only weigh 46kg, the thought of it just made me angry. How did I even let anyone dictate how I look. As I drove back home, I saw a little child with her caretaker walking on the street and I sense that the little child was freezing cold. I stopped my vehicle to offer them a ride and offered the child my drink.
“Whats your name little child?” I asked the little girl. She just kept quiet, perhaps she is just shy. “Her name is Anna and we were supposed to get back home an hour ago but she insisted to go the playground to meet her new friend” Her caretaker answered. Still, at this point of conversation, I noticed that little Anna had not said a word or made any sound. “So where shall I send both of you?” I asked the caretaker. “Oh just infront there. Thank you so much Miss and if you didn’t know, little Anna has hearing and talking disabilities.”

Of course that explains her strange gestures and behavior. I continued my drive back home and that night, I started to think of how blessed I am, to be where I am at now. After thinking about little Anna, I feel blessed that I can hear and talk. After going to the garden, I feel blessed that I could smell the sweet scent of the flowers and feel the grass beneath my feet.

I had never felt so free and happy in my life. Its true when they say that if you fall down, you must get back up and every cloud has its own silver lining. I would not have known these, if Jack didn’t cheat on me, so thank you Jack because you made me realize my worth. When the time comes for me to call it a day, I smiled because in just one day I realized of how powerful I am to be able to change a frown into a smile. This is what I call, freedom. 

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