SPM,stress,strength

I dont want to go through this again. I wonder how did my iman got so low. I cant even bear going through one night without crying.

Thinking of how my family really expects me to score,alhamdulillah they have such confidence in me. But me? Honestly I am nowhere near ready to enter the hall but im trying insyaAllah. I dont want to fail anyone. I dont want to fail myself. I keep on thinking of the what ifs.

 I guess im just only good at advising other people but im bad at taking my own advice. I blame no one but myself. I had put myself in an unnecessary stress and obviously it affected me and my studies.

Ya Allah please help your slave go through this. I dont understand myself anymore. I know that no one can help you but yourself. I just need someone to tell me yes you can do it Miza. I just need some faith in myself. What have I done?
What would my parents think of me?
What would my younger sisters think of me?

I spend so much time trying to please others that I sometimes forget to please Him. I just feel broken and shattered inside. No one knows just because im smiling all the time.

Yes I smile yes I seem to look happy.
You ask why im never sad but I ask you why do I have to tell others and show it to them. Wouldnt it ruin their mood too?

Now im here blogging about it while tears streaming down my face. Can I do it again? Can I repay my parents' sacrifices? I want to make them proud thats all im asking for. I felt and still feel lonely.

Im only a human.
Amiza oh Amiza.