Freedom

If only I had accepted my friend’s invitation to go for a bowling session. As I walked into the living room, sudden flashes of thoughts started to play in my head. I could not think as I was overwhelmed by my own thoughts. I was drained by my own emotions. I was tired physically and all I wanted to do was to lay on my bed, no distractions, only me.

Suddenly, my phone started ringing. It was him, again. “What do you want?” I know I sounded defensive but I could not help myself, I was hurt and I was miserable. Nothing could ever heal this scar on my heart.

“Anna, I love you” He said.

“Oh Shut up, Jack! If you have loved me you would not cheat on me with that girl. If you have loved me you would not put me in the state of embarrassment, you would not have let me drove back home alone when I really needed you Jack. You would not have gone out with the girl to the club till late night Jack. What is love Jack? Do you even know what it means? Do you even know what it is? Im sorry Jack. I cant.” I felt as if my heart got ripped apart.

 No I will not let this happen to me. I took a quick shower and decided I need to change my life and I need to change my thinking. I cannot bear letting someone walk over my head. What is it that she has that  I don’t? Nothing, ofcourse. He just didn’t see it but I do.

I took my car keys and drove off to the garden, Daddy and I used to go when I was a child. Lillies, daisies, roses, sunflowers, the scent and the warmth of the sun. I needed this escape, I needed to remind myself that I am worthy of a person and that I don’t need anyone to complete me.

Perhaps, I was really being too dependent on him for my happiness and I realized that, it was not going to happen. For all this while, I had been feeling nothing but lonely. I never knew it would take me to this, to finally realize it. That perhaps, my family and friends are enough. Perhaps even the strangers around me are enough to make me feel happy and to put a smile on my face.

To redeem myself back, I went to the nearest coffee shop, to get my favourite latte before I head back home. I decided to get my favourite vanilla latte, I thought why not? It is not as if I have anyone around to call me fat when honestly I only weigh 46kg, the thought of it just made me angry. How did I even let anyone dictate how I look. As I drove back home, I saw a little child with her caretaker walking on the street and I sense that the little child was freezing cold. I stopped my vehicle to offer them a ride and offered the child my drink.
“Whats your name little child?” I asked the little girl. She just kept quiet, perhaps she is just shy. “Her name is Anna and we were supposed to get back home an hour ago but she insisted to go the playground to meet her new friend” Her caretaker answered. Still, at this point of conversation, I noticed that little Anna had not said a word or made any sound. “So where shall I send both of you?” I asked the caretaker. “Oh just infront there. Thank you so much Miss and if you didn’t know, little Anna has hearing and talking disabilities.”

Of course that explains her strange gestures and behavior. I continued my drive back home and that night, I started to think of how blessed I am, to be where I am at now. After thinking about little Anna, I feel blessed that I can hear and talk. After going to the garden, I feel blessed that I could smell the sweet scent of the flowers and feel the grass beneath my feet.

I had never felt so free and happy in my life. Its true when they say that if you fall down, you must get back up and every cloud has its own silver lining. I would not have known these, if Jack didn’t cheat on me, so thank you Jack because you made me realize my worth. When the time comes for me to call it a day, I smiled because in just one day I realized of how powerful I am to be able to change a frown into a smile. This is what I call, freedom. 

Word count: 790

AND I have a BIG news to share with you!! :) 

“Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.”

Belief for greatness!

Getting a mediocre results really doesnt serve happiness for me but I feel grateful. However it just doesnt feel right,something inside of me just wants more. Its the fine line of getting into the dean's list that I have to cross. I think its a matter of whether you THINK you can do it or not. Honestly I would say that im scared,I would say that my self esteem is just not at the par yet but I KNOW that its what I deserve. I know that getting into the dean's list is what I have to work for the next semester.

Because I only aim for the best and I know that when you aim for the best you deserve the best. I just know that I can do it. 

Big girl/Can I hear a yes coach?

I know that you just want the best for me but you just cant force me to do something im not willing to do. Maybe one day ill open up my heart but forcing me is a no no. I just hope that you will understand. Ill do something at my own will,im a big girl remember?

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Hey I promised myself to blog about my first metcon session after maybe about 4 months? So here it goes! Started my day with my sister nagging and asking me questions if I wanted to go or not. Reluctantly I woke up. I couldnt sleep last night thankgoodness for Atif or I would actually have to comfort myself to sleep. Well thats what friends are for right so thank you Atif! Anyway back to my story,I had to register the form online and showered quickly. When I got there,I didnt want to get out from the car. Can you imagine haha I got scolded when I told my sister that I only had 3 hours of sleep last night. Thats what fitness is all about,its not just about exercising. Its about taking care of your sleep,nutrition and body. Those 3 components are tickets to good health. That was what I was lacking when I stayed at the hostel. I lived with 4 hours of sleep,I had crappy nutrition,had waffle,burger and roti john for lunch and dinner. All that ew stuff and I didnt exercise everyday. Maybe thats why I was so unhappy. Life should be about balance right?

Anyway the first people that I met was Uncle Colin,Aunt Lorrine and Coach Tam. I forgot how happy life is for them. Their rule is simple. Keep doing what you love. Simple. Yes and they are very successful in their life. Hello just look at their cars. Uncle Colin does make a lot of money from voice recording ONLY. I mean who does that? HIM! So my point is,I have a choice to go out and create my own destiny or path. One of the reason why I love going to metcon is that these people remind me to take care of myself,they are the most supportive people you would ever meet and im so so grateful to have them in my life.

Until the next update.
Take care guys!

Note to myself and everyone!

"If "fear" didnt exist,what risk would you take?"

Life is amazing just the way it is. Sometimes you know why you're scared of that little 'something' however you just cant change the way you think about it until you TRY and EXPERIENCE it yourself. Nothing is ever too scary. So I dare you. DO something that you're scared of EVERYDAY. Not only that it will push you,it will mould you to become a better person. 

via google

Alone does not mean lonely

Solitary. Onely,by oneself,alone,on one's self.

Do you view solitary as a good or a bad thing? To me,I view it as a good thing. To me,it means courage because not everyone dares to be seen being alone. Lets face it,no one wants anyone to view us as pathetic and lonely,but bear in mind my friends that being alone does not mean lonely.

Lets view the definition of lonely. Lonely is defined as sad because one has no friends and family. Now do you think that just because you are alone,you dont have any friends and family? I sometimes choose to be alone but that doesnt mean that I dont have any friends and family. I choose to be alone simply because I need time for myself. I need time to re-think about my goals,dreams and to reflect back on my actions. However that doesnt mean that I dont enjoy having people around me.

So dont be afraid to do things by yourself. Lets say that you are alone in the sense that you dont have any boyfriend or girlfriend (alone). Hey your life doesnt end there. You still have friends and family. My point is most people cant distinguish the meaning of solitary(alone) and lonely. I would frequently hear people say forever alone just because I sometimes like to do things alone. Its not that im offended or anything it just makes me wonder. Now im here to tell you that if you're comfortable being alone sometimes then go ahead. The term alone and lonely have two different meanings. Maybe one day you'll find comfortability in being alone.